


Paper Hearts

by micehell



Category: Miracles (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Schmoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-02-11
Updated: 2009-02-11
Packaged: 2017-11-12 01:06:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/484919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/micehell/pseuds/micehell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The paper valentine, looking a lot like the ones they'd made in school when they'd been kids, covered in slightly surrealistic hearts and XOXO kisses and hugs, was a little scary.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Paper Hearts

It started with chocolates, left on his desk at work. Paul ate them, thinking that Evie had given into temptation again, then gotten rid of them in a fit of remorse.

The flowers were harder to explain though, red roses with long stems, white Baby's-breath woven between them. They weren't fattening, as far as he knew, anyway, and Evie didn't know anything about them, nor did Alva. 

The paper valentine, looking a lot like the ones they'd made in school when they'd been kids, covered in slightly surrealistic hearts and XOXO kisses and hugs, was a little scary. If Evie hadn't done it, nor Matty, if Alva hadn't lost his mind, then that meant that someone was stalking him, and, frankly, Paul really thought he had enough garbage going on in his life without adding secret stalker to the list.

He was nervous and a little afraid, and Alva smiled at him, but didn't laugh, and drove him home so he didn't have to take the bus. His hands shook as he opened the door, and he almost laughed at himself, but he was so tired of being the center of attention for things he hadn't chosen. And a little depressed that he'd passed another Valentine's Day without anyone but secret stalkers seeming to notice him. 

"I'm sorry."

Paul looked at Alva, recognizing the look of guilt on his face, but not understanding it. "Sorry about what?"

Alva sighed. "All of this. It was stupid, but I couldn’t… I just wanted to do _something_ for you, and then I kept chickening out. And now… well, now I'm creeping you out, actually scaring you, and I never meant to, Paul. I never meant to do that."

It had been something of a long day, and Paul was having problems tracking what the hell Alva had thought he was doing. Not that Paul hadn't noticed, what with how he came to work for the man, that Alva could be kind of a little intense, to put it politely, when he was pursuing something, but he just didn't get it. "You wanted to do something for me? And you thought that giving me gifts from a false secret admirer was a good thing?"

Alva sighed again, shaking one hand as if he were erasing what they'd already said. "I'm not explaining this well. I just… I knew that I'd started staring, and standing too close, and touching you too often, and that I shouldn't, but I… I couldn't not. Anymore than I could leave you alone to begin with. And, yes, I know that this goes beyond the pale, and I really don't want to be that man, Paul. I'd managed to keep it under control, or at least not been so obvious that Evie gave me a hard time about it, but then… I'd saw you dead."

Paul knew he was still missing something, because he didn't see how seeing him dead was an impetus to romantic action, unless Alva had a problem he wasn't mentioning here, and he just didn't think that was going to be it. Feeling like an idiot that was missing the obvious, he said, "And that was a problem, how?"

"I thought I'd lost you. There were a couple of moments there, before you finally woke, that I was sure you were well and truly dead. And it wasn't how important you are to the future of what we investigate. It wasn't even fear that I'd have to deal with it alone, Evie too upset by yet one more loss to help, that scared me the most. It was that I thought I'd never see you again as anything but dead. But then you'd probably already guessed that part of it, since I haven't been the subtlest of creatures, at least not according to our coworker."

But Paul hadn't guessed. And he knew Evie was probably laughing her ass off about how oblivious he was being again, especially since she'd already guessed he wasn't exactly averse to Alva, for all that he sometimes drove Paul crazy, but he'd never been any good at reading attraction. He had to hear the words, to be _told_ his worth to someone else to believe that any existed. Too many years of being passed over, with carelessly uttered phrases like _too old_ , _too serious_ , and -- always -- _not what we really wanted_ echoing down those years, to take anything for granted. Only Poppi, with his freely given hugs, and Georgia, with her fierce loyalty, had ever really made him believe. It was why he and Rebecca had been such a disaster, all his neurotic need for reassurance up against her need to not be tied down to anything, and what had happened in that house could almost have occurred without the spirit intervention. 

But how did he say that to someone, tell them, be sure? Be very sure that he was what they wanted, and that they would have to make him believe it. Because otherwise he'd drive them crazy, and they'd do the same to him, and it would end just as messy as it had before, with Paul hating the person he'd become. 

What he did say was, "The only Valentines I've ever received were the ones we'd made each other in school when we were children, and the one you gave me." He paused, then laughed, unable to resist the dig. "To tell you the truth, they looked about the same." 

Alva laughed with him, shrugging away any pretension at card-making skill, but he was looking in Paul's eyes for the first time since they'd come in, and there was something that might be hope there. Maybe just telling him straight out wouldn't be as awkward as Paul thought.

He never had to test the theory, Alva braver in this than Paul was. "It isn't recent, and it wasn't caused by seeing you dead. That was just a goad to action, as it were. I… I love you, Paul, and I think I have since I first met you, and found you so much more than the mysterious figure in so many people's dreams. So much more."

Paul couldn't say it back, not yet, but he took Alva's hand and drew him deeper into his apartment. He wasn't sure that this wasn't scarier than a secret stalker, this laying his heart out, waiting for it to go wrong again, but he'd always been a sucker for other people's belief. And maybe one day, he'd even believe it himself.


End file.
